Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The Olympian is in my bed
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
