Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
