so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
