Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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