im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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