you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
