i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
