Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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