Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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