Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
