I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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