i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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