oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
