She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
