Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
