I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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