i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
