I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
