can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
