You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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