My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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