we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
