People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
