i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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