Don't you send me to vm
She's JV to your varsity
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
