So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
