I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm like, not good at living.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
