I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ruined the universe
Randomize
