broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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