he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
