We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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