I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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