Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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