just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
