i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
