Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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