I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
