she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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