dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
