I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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