she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
