Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
