i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
