I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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