last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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