Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
