theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
