Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
