Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
