it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
