She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
