If that was your dad, he is hot
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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